


Tether

by Pho3nixqu33n



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Clexa, F/F, Married Clarke, Secret Relationship, clexa feels, clexa in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-17 02:04:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pho3nixqu33n/pseuds/Pho3nixqu33n
Summary: Clarke has been having an affair with her best friend, Lexa for the past eight years. Their lives went in different directions after high school, but their love never faltered.





	1. Jesus Year

New York

“What are you thinking about?”  
The green-eyed girl was caught staring out the window as she waits for the coffee to brew. A fair-haired woman nearly of the same stature, wearing nothing but a long t-shirt wraps her arms around her waist from behind. She smiles and sinks into her embrace.  
“Nothing.”  
“Liar.”  
After eighteen years, the blonde knew when the olive-skinned woman with her thick dark curls pulled back in a messy bun was lying. She turns to face her and kisses her forehead.  
“Tell me.”  
“You.”  
“What about me?”  
“I like you.”  
The golden haired woman smiles.  
“I like you too.”  
“I want you around me all the time.”  
“Good, me too.” Neither like thinking about their separation and have mastered avoiding the subject for the past eight years. 

“How’s Madi?”  
“She’s wonderful.”  
“I wish I could meet her.”  
“Me too.”  
“She looks like her father.”  
“She’s got my spirit.”  
“She’s got your smile.”

She looks deep into her eyes admiring light freckles on her cheeks and nose. To Lexa, Clarke has become more beautiful with age. Yet she still sees the mischievous teen that she fell in love with in high school. She moves a strand of hair gently behind her ear. She loves being in love with her best friend, regardless of their unideal situation.

“You made coffee.”  
“I did.”  
She pours her a cup with a splash of real cream that she bought just for the occasion and hands it to her.  
“Mmmm, perfect. Thank you.”

Lexa knowing her so well, gives the blonde a warm sensation. They sit on the love seat, the blonde on one end with her legs crossed so that she could watch her lover in the morning light. The brunette's natural beauty was like no other to the blonde and it took her breath away every time. She makes an effort to take in all of her, every chance she gets. Their moments are limited and over the years they have learned that moments like these are all they have. 

“How are you so beautiful?”  
“Good sleeping habits and a plant-based diet.” She earns a grin from her admirer.  
“What do you want to do today?”  
“You.”  
“You had me all night.”  
“I want you all day.”  
“You’ll have to work for it.”  
“I’m up for the task.”  
“Good, my friends invited us for dinner.”  
“Easy. What else you got for me?”  
“I’ve got a game at three.”  
“Can I watch?”  
“If you behave.”  
“No promises.”  
“No trash talking the opposing team or ref.”  
“Are you embarrassed of me?”  
“I don’t want to get kicked out of the league.”  
“Oh please, it’s just friendly competition.”  
“Exactly, no need for trash talk.”  
“Ok, ok. I’ll behave.”  
“Good.”

Clarke has always been an enthusiastic basketball fan. Her father was the girls Varsity coach and she didn’t miss a game. It was convenient for Lexa as the star point guard, they rarely spent time apart. Even though they went to different universities, Clarke made a point to attend her girlfriend’s games whenever possible. It was not an easy task as she moved to the other side of the country to play for Connecticut while Clarke stayed in California. To this day Clarke loved to watch her play, even just for her recreational adult league. It took her back to their days in high school when things seemed to be so much easier. 

“How’s Finn?”  
“He’s good. He says Happy Birthday.” Lexa nods without revealing her thoughts. It was a normal part of their time together, a way for her to stay connected to reality and also to be polite. It didn’t bother the blonde, but it was not something either dwelled on. 

Clarke and Finn met her final year of grad school. She and Lexa were on the friends with benefits stage of their relationship due to distance. Then, Finn happened. They cared for each other, wanted the same things, so he asked her to marry him and she said yes. She was tired of the distance, the fights and ultimately putting her life on hold for Lexa, who wasn’t ready to commit. Basketball, money and travel were the brunette's priority then.

This was a risk that the brunette took when she went overseas, but she didn’t want to lose her completely, so she continued her role as her best friend. She grew to even like Finn who was everything that Clarke wanted in a partner, except that he wasn’t Lexa. Nevertheless, she loved him, and he was committed. 

“That’s sweet.”  
“You’re sweet.” The blonde playfully leans into her and kisses her on the lips leaving a trail on her jaw to her neck where she settles. The brunette pulls her close as Clarke snuggles into on her chest.  
“It’s my Jesus year.”  
“It is.”  
“Something big’s going to happen.”  
“You’re graduating.”  
“Then moving… again.”  
“Where will you go?”  
“Wherever the job is.”  
“There are lots of universities in California.” Clarke was rubbing her hand along Lexa’s tummy with her head on her chest.  
“Yeah.”

Lexa didn’t want to tell her that she can’t live that close to her knowing that she was living the life they once planned for themselves with her husband and child. Truth is, Clarke already knew it. So, they sat there in each other’s warmth in her tiny Brooklyn loft she could only afford because of her savings from her time in China while she lived off of her stipend. Both thinking about what their lives would be like if Lexa stayed in California, or if Clarke never met Finn. 

“What time is dinner?”  
“They said around seven.”  
“I don’t like sharing you on your birthday.”  
“They want to meet you.”  
“How much do they know?”  
“Everything.”  
“Great.”  
“They’re not like that. All that matters is that you make me happy.”  
“How happy?”  
“So, so happy.” Clarke responds with her lips, kissing her deeply. Tongues intertwine and neither backing down as their connection quickly gets heated. Going months without touching each other leaves them desperate. The blonde straddles her and takes her face in her hands studying her very closely.  
“Is that yes to dinner?”  
“Anything for you. I have you all to myself for the rest of the weekend.” The brunette smiles as the blonde continues her assault.  
“All" lips "of" lick "me" nibble. 

Lexa moans into her mouth as she lifts off her long shirt followed by her own. They look into each other’s eyes. Blue eyes start to water so the brunette caresses her cheek before tears fall as she reaches up to kiss her. It never gets old for either, Clarke absolutely loved every inch of Lexa. The brunette could never get enough of the golden maned beauty with whom she’s been addicted to for over fifteen years. They gave themselves fully in a new way, connecting even deeper each time.

 

***  
“You worked up quite an appetite.”  
“No thanks to you.”  
The taller woman kisses her after she serves her another serving of eggs.  
“Eat up, I want you fully energized.” She winks causing every hair on Lexa’s body to rise.  
“Yes mam.”  
“I’m going to clean up.”

She looks at her phone and sees a picture of Madi that Finn sent evoking a smile. Lexa knows who it is. She continues eating her eggs. She always wondered how Clarke could be with her all these years when she had them waiting for her at home. Yet she never questioned it knowing how hard it must be to do let alone to have to explain. 

“Ok, do we have time to make a stop?”  
“Only one of us gets to shower.”  
“Then you better join me.” The blonde disappears, and her lover swallows her eggs and follows.

 

***  
They walk hand in hand down the block to stop at her favorite bookstore.  
“Do you think they’ll have it?”  
“Of course.”  
“She loves the books you sent for Christmas.”  
“I figured if she’s anything like you.” It earns her a chaste kiss before Lexa leads her to the children’s area.  
“Oh my gosh…” The blonde gasps at the adorable set up for story time with the rocker and rug, the vintage area with the classics, and an impressive selection.  
“You like?”  
“So much.” Lexa smiles and lets her explore while she wanders near the philosophy section. Both are fully engrossed in their task of scanning through books, beautiful rare books you can’t find online.

 

“Lexa?”  
She looks up, startled by the tall blonde woman standing before her.  
“Oh my god, Costia. Hi, what are you doing here?”

She was genuinely shocked yet happy to see her and the blonde was more than smitten, immediately going in for a hug. Clarke sees from a far and at first thinks nothing of it, but as the taller woman starts to lean in towards the brunette taking every chance she gets to touch her, her stomach starts to twist and turn. She’s seen this before with other women and of course she was aware that Lexa would date casually which often meant sex and it’s never affected her due to the distance. It was never real to her, but, the brunette has never talked about dating anyone seriously nor has Clarke personally witnessed what she was seeing right before her very eyes. 

Lexa was clearly taken by this woman. She observed her best friend’s mannerisms and reaction to the blonde, she could tell that she liked this one. It was not easy to swallow for Clarke, yet she felt that she had no right to do or say anything about it. Nevertheless, all she wanted to do was just that, to put this tall beautiful blonde in her place and claim Lexa as hers. She hesitated, then the blonde goes in for a hug that lasted longer than Clarke liked before departing. After gathering her composure Clarke makes her way over.

“Hey, you ready?”  
“Yup.” the blonde says forcing a smile. 

Lexa is oblivious and is still recovering from her moment with Costia. They walk out hand in hand, Lexa carrying her back pack and Clarke’s bag of books. She loved being able to be the blue-eyed girl’s woman and always treated her like a Queen even if only for a few times a year. Clarke has learned to allow her, knowing what it meant to her. 

Clarke loved to watch her play. She loved how happy it made her best friend and how natural everything was for her. The way she interacted with her teammates and got a group of strangers from all walks of life to bond and become a unit was something she always admired and loved to watch. She behaved herself and part of it was because she was thinking about the blonde that seemed to make her best friend very happy. Thinking about things she has always set aside knowing it would come to nothing good. They were masters at the here and now. 

 

**  
Dinner was lovely, Clarke liked meeting her friends. They were interesting and different from their friends back home. They were an older worldly couple, both professors yet very humble and human. She loved how multifaceted Lexa was to have so many interests never allowing people to place her in a mold, she simply was and always will be Lexa nothing more or less. Clarke was passive but attentive, she enjoyed being with Lexa in her world as if she belonged there organically at her side in her arms. The blonde especially enjoyed her interaction with the children. She always loved that about her and made her sad that her daughter would probably not know her the way these kids do. She persevered through the evening, but Lexa noticed the tinge of sadness that glazed over her blue eyes.

“You’re quiet.”  
“Am I?”  
“Extremely.”  
“Sorry, I’m here.”  
“Are you sure? What’s bothering you?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Liar.”  
“Just a long day.”

Lexa leaves it, knowing that prying would have the opposite outcome that she desired. She lets her unravel on her own, a trick she learned years ago. They continue to walk hand in hand with the crisp autumn breeze air grazing their faces.

“Are you happy?”  
“Huh?”  
“Are you, happy?”  
“I’m always happy with you.”  
She pulls her arm around her waist and kisses her forehead.  
“No, I mean. With your life, with- out me?”  
“Well, yeah, I mean, I love my work and my friends, basketball.”  
“Yeah, they’re pretty great.”  
“They are. They like you.”  
“How do you know?”  
“I know these things.”  
“Uh huh.”  
“What’s not to like?”

_Well, the fact that you are practically my mistress that I appear to be keeping tethered so that you're not able to actually have a real relationship with anyone else._

____

“Oh, I don’t know…” She closes the door behind her and before the blonde can walk away or the brunette pulls her close.  
“Hey, come here, talk to me.” Blue eyes avoid green as they often do when it came to these emotions for the love of her life. She leads her to the love seat.  
“I want you to be happy.”  
“I am happy.”  
“No, I mean, like really happy. Like Indra and Gustus happy.”  
“That’s not what I want.”  
“Yes, it is. You want all of it, the marriage, house, kids, especially the kids. It’s what you always wanted.”  
“With you.” The blonde’s heart broke for her love. Why did she open pandora's box, she knows better than to bring this up, on her birthday no less.

“Why? I’m a horrible person.”  
“You’re not.”  
“I am.”  
“You’re my favorite person and I love you.”  
“You deserve better. You deserve the best.”  
“So do you.”  
“This isn’t about me.”  
“No?”  
“No. It’s about you.”  
“Well, it _is _my Jesus year.” The blonde gives her a sigh of exhaustion. “Ok, ok. I’m listening.”__  
“Do you ever see yourself falling in love, getting married and having a family?”  
“Sometimes.”  
“And?”  
“I don’t know. I like my life and I’ve accepted our situation.”  
“You know you don’t have to.”  
“I know.”  
“Why do you?”  
“Because, it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced and there is nothing else like it. Why wouldn’t I want that in my life?” Clarke couldn’t argue. She felt the same way. Maybe life was not as complicated as it’s often made out to be. Everything is temporary, and everything has its own cycle. Maybe theirs was perfect as it was.

____

“Don’t you ever want more?”  
“You know I do.”  
“How did I let this happen?”  
“ _We _, how did _we _let this happen?”____

__

__

They sit in silence.


	2. Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all!  
> I appreciate the kudos and comments!

“How did you get away?”  
“Finn’s out of town with his friends.” She quickly reaches for her belt.  
“What about-“  
“At my parents.” Pants were off as they leave a trail of clothes to the bed.  
“This blouse is so sexy” she says taking her time unbuttoning it carefully while admiring the plush fabric.  
“Lex-”  
“It looks fancy, Clarke, I don’t want to ruin it” the blond smirks appreciating her thoughtfulness at a time of desperate desire for her lover.  
“Less talk more naked. I need your mouth” the brunette’s eyes go wide as she groans at her words. She could see the promised land erupting from her blouse as she hyper focuses on the final blasted button. Her mouth and hands immediately go to work on her supple nipples as her breasts were released form the confines of her bra. Clarke had been thinking about this all day at work, but it was nothing compared to the real thing. Lexa is always better than her fantasies, her anticipation and she had her for two entire nights on this random visit. She intends to make the most of it.

 

They lay in the sea of their lust, not quite asleep or awake, they were in limbo. Nothing else mattered when they entered this in between world, they were simply two bodies, one heart and soul. 

“I’ve been thinking”  
“About?”  
“Us.”  
“Yeah?”  
“What if…”  
“I interviewed with UCI yesterday and they offered me a tenure track position.”  
“Really? I thought you weren’t applying in California.”  
“I don’t have many options.” The blonde couldn’t contain her excitement and was all smiles.  
“So, you could actually move back home” she asks before kissing her velvet lips.  
“I could.”  
“But?”  
“You already know.”  
“Like I said, I’ve been thinking.”  
“I’m sorry I interrupted you.”  
“I want to tell Finn.”  
“What? No, why?” The blonde remains calm and pulls her lover’s body close as to transmit her repose onto her.  
“I had an epiphany when we were in New York. I don’t want you seeing other people.”  
“Clarke-“  
“I only want you, and I want you to only want me.”  
“I do, you know that.”  
“Then move back home and be with me.”  
“Clarke…” She’s speechless, why couldn’t she just say yes? Why should she allow anything but her love for Clarke dictate her choices? “You have a family.”  
“I want to share them with you.”  
“I can’t do that to Finn.”  
“I’m the one hurting him, not you.”  
“Clarke…”  
“Why do I feel like I’m losing you?”  
“You’ll never lose me” and with that she kisses her deep to show her that she would always be with her, that she was a part of her. Clarke tried to push her away, to tell her that she was done, that she couldn’t do it anymore, but Lexa wouldn’t let her. She pins her wrists to the mattress above her head and refuses to let her go, not tonight. They argue with their bodies, moans and tears. They can’t stop, they’re love is an unstoppable force, like gravity, their tether.

 

The next day Clarke wakes up sore from the struggle, they’re usually careful not to leave marks, but last night was different. She wanted them so that she could show Finn and finally be free from her cell. Lexa has her arms around her abdomen and was still sound asleep. Clarke looks at her phone it was past noon. There was message from Finn. 

_Finn: Hey, change of plans, I’m coming home tonight. See you for dinner. I’ll pick up pizza on my way if you want._

__

_Clarke: Pizza’s great, what time shall we expect you?”_  
_Finn: around 7  
_Clarke: Ok, drive safe__

__

_Shit. _The blonde tenses and it wakes her lover.__  
“Clarke go back to sleep.”  
“I can’t, I have to go.”  
“What’s wrong, beautiful?”  
“Finn’s coming home tonight.” The brunette doesn’t respond, instead she releases Clarke and lays on her back. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault, Clarke. Can we have lunch? I’m starving.”  


____

 

***  
“What?”  
“You’re adorable when you’re hungry.”  
“I’m sorry if I hurt you last night.”  
“You didn’t. I liked it.”  
“It’s been a long time.”  
“It could be like it used to be you know?”  
“Clarke…” The blonde had had it with hearing her name as a sound of warning from the brunette and her patience had run out. 

“Lexa, just tell me If you don’t want to be with me fully.”  
“Of course I do, I just can’t live with the guilt of breaking up your family.”  
“You’re not doing that. I am making the choice I should have made five years ago.”  
“We were in different places then.”  
“I asked you to come home then, and you said no!”  
“How could I, when you were living your life with Finn?”  
“I would have ended it. You know that.”  
“I had nothing to offer you, Clarke. I didn’t even know what to do with my own life.”  
“We could have figured it out together, instead here we are sneaking around like idiots because you’re too afraid to face your demons.”  
“Then why didn’t you end it anyway, since you're so brave!” She had gone too far and immediately resented herself for mocking her love.

“You’re right. I’m just as much of a coward as you, if not more.”  
“Clarke, I didn’t mean that.”  
“It’s true. I found out that I was pregnant, and I chose to stay so that I didn’t have to do it alone.”  
“Fuck, Clarke. I’m so sorry, I’m such an asshole.”  
“Stop apologizing. We make choices and we deal with the consequences, that’s life.”  
“I don’t want to fight anymore.”  
“Me either. You know what I want from you. If you can’t give me that, then it’s over.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I can’t do it anymore. You should be happy, be with someone completely.”  
“I don’t want anyone but you.”  
“Then come home.” 

A month later, Clarke gets a phone call telling her that she accepted a position in New York because it paid more and was more conducive to her research or some other nonsense that was not true at all. It didn’t matter, Clarke knew the real reason. As difficult as it was to hear, at least she had her answer and they could both move on. 

 

***  
It was the annual Fourth of July celebration at the Griffin household. The one time of the year Lexa has been avoiding for the past eight years for it was the one holiday that the Woods would join their good friends the Griffins and Blakes. There was no avoiding Clarke and her family in the summer, so she made sure to stay far away. 

Lexa’s older sister Anya married her high school sweetheart, Bellamy after college and the group expected the same would happen with her and Clarke. The last summer she spent at home was the summer of her best friend’s wedding. She realized that she needed distance in order to survive. Luckily the LA team had honored her request to be traded to New York when she found out about Clarke’s engagement. Yet, here she was with a six pack of IPAs at hand, walking with her six-year old niece behind Anya and Bellamy. She wishes she would have given Clarke and her parents a heads up, but this was uncharacteristically spontaneous of the brunette. If she thought about it too hard, she would have changed her mind.

No one knew about their affair, but they assumed that’s why the basketball star moved away. Nevertheless, the two maintained a friendship that was always more, and they would see each other when she was in town for a game. Her entire world came apart two years later when she had a career ending knee injury. Clarke and her father went to visit her and helped her with rehab but she was never the same after that and so she retired at age twenty-eight. She remained in New York to pursue a graduate degree while Clarke continued her life in California with Finn. 

They enter without knocking and head to the kitchen and backyard where the music was blaring, kids screaming and people laughing in the pool. Lexa couldn’t believe she was actually there, everything was so familiar, the smell of the house, the arrangement of the space, it took her back to their youth all the moments shared with her best friend and her family. 

“As I live and breathe, Lexa, is that you?”  
“The one and only” Bellamy confirms. Abby puts down the platter she was ready to take outside and walks to the brunette giving her a big hug and holding her tight.  
“Hi, Abby.”  
“You’re parents didn’t say anything.”  
“No one knows. Sorry it’s last-minute.”  
“Oh my goodness, Jake will be so thrilled! come on!” She could never say no to Abby, no one could so she was dragged out to her father and Jake who were manning the Grill.  
“Jake, look who’s here?” He takes off his shades to make sure he was seeing clearly.  
“Lexa?”  
“Hey Jake” she says before another bone crushing bear hug. It’s been years since she’s seen him. They’d talk on the phone every now and then but to see each other again was quite moving for both. Aurora and Cassandra, Lexa’s mom realize who it is and make their way over.  
“It’s good to see you, Lex.”  
“You too.” She says overwhelmed with emotions that she doesn’t hold back.  
“Hi sweetheart.”  
“Hey pops. Sorry, I didn’t call.”  
“This is a pleasant surprise. Is everything ok?”  
“So far.” 

They would talk later, now was neither the time nor place. She is bombarded with hugs from Cassandra and Aurora who she hasn’t seen since Christmas.

“What’s happening at the pit? Is it time to eat?” Clarke asks Octavia both relaxing with their drinks under the shade when she saw Aden jump out of the pool leaving Finn and Raven to play with Madi.  
“Who knows, I’m too buzzed to see.” The blonde rolls her eyes. “Anyways, back to my personal trainer. Do you think I should ask him out?” 

Clarke let’s her friend ramble on about her new crush as she watches her brother quickly dry off with a towel as he makes his way to the crowd. Then she sees her, she couldn’t believe it and at first, she thought she was hallucinating from the heat and the drinks. She needed to be sure, so she leaves her friend who continues to talk to herself. 

“What’s going on over here?”  
“Clarke! Look who it is!” Aden cries out as Lexa turns and Abby and Aurora get out of her way.  
“Hello, Clarke.”  
“Lexa?”  
“Don’t sound too excited” Bellamy jokes.  
“How- Why- What are you doing here?” Her chest tightens with shock, fear and joy all at once.  
“She surprised us all” Cassandra says. “She accepted the position at Irvine.”  
“What? Are you joking?”  
“I’m moving back home, Clarke” the brunette finally answers looking straight into her eyes to convey her intention.

The blonde can’t believe what she’s hearing, it was three months ago when Lexa flew in for her interview and met with Clarke to tell her they had offered her a position. Three months ago when Clarke tells her to come home to give it a real chance or to end it. And it was two months ago that Lexa told her that she would take the job in New York instead. The blonde snaps out of it when her five-year old daughter runs right into her legs sopping wet.

“Mommy I’m hungry!”  
“Almost ready my princess” Jake announces causing the crowd to disperse and make their way to the designated area, leaving Lexa with Clarke and Madi. The brunette was nervous and wasn’t sure how to react.  
“Who’s that?” the girl asks her mom.  
“Sweetie, this is Lexa, Mommy’s old friend.” Lexa squats to the ground to introduce herself.  
“Hi, Madi, it’s nice to meet you.” The girl touches her face as if to feel her out and Clarke was moved by what she was witnessing.  
“You’re not old. You’re butiful, like mommy.” Lexa releases tears of joy at the girl with Clarke’s smile, but the moment ends as soon as it starts.

“Hey Lexa. Long time no see.”  
“Finn, hi.” She offers her hand awkwardly, not sure of how to greet him. He takes it and pulls her in for a hug. “Good to see you.”  
“You too.”  
“Daddy that’s mommy’s butiful friend. I’m hungry.”  
“She’s quite focused on what she wants.”  
“She is her mother’s daughter.” She certainly was, but at that moment, the blonde wasn’t sure of how to feel or what she wanted. Lexa had flipped her entire world upside down leaving her discombobulated. 

 

That night, Clarke and Madi stay at her parents’ where she’s been living for the past few months, while Finn takes Raven home. She comes back downstairs and joins her parents after she tucks Madi in. Aden was passed out on the couch. She sits next to her mother who wraps her arms around her shoulders as the blonde lays her head on her chest.

 

“Long day huh?”  
“Yeah, I’m exhausted.”  
“So, did you know that Lexa was moving back?”  
“No, I had no idea.”  
“How do you feel about it?”  
“Um, fine I guess.” Jake rolls his eyes at his wife, who was asking all the questions since he had a hard time being subtle or unbiased regarding Lexa, who he’s considered to be his second daughter and had always thought would eventually be his daughter in-law.  
“Madi seemed to like her.”  
“Yeah, Lexa’s always been good with kids.”  
“It was nice of her to come, it’s been so many years.”  
“Seven years” Jake echoes.  
“Eight, Finn and I have been married for eight.”  
“You’re right, eight years” her father agrees.  
“It’s good to have all the kids back.”  
“Does she know about you two?”  
“No, I haven’t talked to her in a while.”  
“It’ll be nice to have your best friend to help you through it.”  
Clarke didn’t say anything, she was too tired, too confused to talk about Lexa so she makes herself even more comfortable on Abby’s lap and motions for her to rub her head like she used to do when she was a child. All she wanted was to relax, let go of the day and be refreshed for the next.

 

“Hey pops.”  
“Can’t sleep?”  
“You either?” He shakes his no.  
“What’s on your mind, Commander?”  
“No one calls me that anymore, pops.”  
“You went down in women’s basketball history as the Commander. Now have some self-respect and recognize your greatness.” Her father had taught her how to be a leader and Jake had taught her how to play with heart, the perfect combination that turned her into the basketball phenomenon that she once was.  
“Yes, sir.”  
“You told me last week that you were staying in New York to be a lecturer at Columbia. You said that you had good friends and loved the city. So what happened?”  
“My good friends.”  
“Indra and Gustus?”  
“Yeah, we had a heart to heart.”  
“I see. Care to elaborate?”  
“I want to be home closer to family, the position is perfect for me and…”  
“And Clarke is here.”  
“Yeah, Clarke is here.”  
“Clarke, her husband and daughter.”  
“I know.”  
“I trust your decisions, I always have. Is that why you came down here, for my approval?”  
“For your logic. I made this decision with my heart, and I’m terrified that I made a mistake.” He smiles at his daughter.  
“Lexa, this is a decision that you absolutely have to make with your heart not your mind.” She was not expecting to hear that from her father, the Judge who’s taught her to be a Stoic her whole life.  
“What?”  
“Face your fear, Commander.”  
“Clarke and I have been having an affair for eight years.” It just came out. She was desperate for her father to put her in her place and knock some sense into her.  
“You must feel that it’s time to face the consequences of your actions.” Again, the lack of disgust, judgment and surprise disappoints her.  
“Making choices with my heart leads to pain and struggle for me and others.”  
“It’s how we grow. It’s time to do what’s right so that you can grow. Maybe, even be happy.”  
“Pops, I can’t…”  
“Yes you can, and you will. Now, I’m going to head to bed, the Griffins and Woods have an early tee time tomorrow. Will you be joining us?”  
“Sure pops, I’ll go.”  
“Great, Goodnight, Commander” he says as he kisses her forehead. “Welcome home.”


	3. Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I'm so grateful for your attention :-)

“Good morning, Clarkey, you’re on speaker.”  
“You’re up early, Reyes.”  
“We wanted to get an early start.”  
“Is Madi up?” Finn asks from the driver’s seat. The couple’s first vacation together would be the longest he’s ever been away from his daughter.  
“Not yet, we’ll facetime before they bring the party back to the house.”  
“So, will Lexa be there?”  
“Most likely.”  
“What’s your move, Clarkey?”  
“I already made all my moves and she rejected me.”  
“She came back for you.”  
“I don’t know that. This isn’t going to be a walk in the park, she’s going to have to earn my trust.”  
“Fair enough, does she know about our separation?”  
“I haven’t said anything.”  
“Well, keep us posted and go easy on her.”  
“Never in a million years would I have expected to have this conversation with my husband and his mistress.”  
“Hey! Once those papers are signed, I’m getting promoted to girlfriend!”  
“Yeah, yeah, well until then, Reyes.”

 

When Clarke sat Finn down to tell him the truth a few months ago, he confessed that he had fallen in love with one of her best friends some years back. Neither wanted to end their marriage or break up their family so they carried on their double lives that never got in the way of their priority, Madi. They’ve always been good friends and an even better team when it came to parenting, but the spark was diffused long ago. Both were relieved to finally have the conversation and set out plans to separate amicably always putting their daughter’s wellbeing first.

 

***  
“When do you officially move back?”  
“I’ll be here for a few weeks looking for a place.”  
“Oh, I’ll put you in contact with my realtor friend. She’s been helping Clarke out” Aden says.  
“That would be great. Wait, are they moving?”  
“Well, yeah. Clarke’s been looking for a new place for the past couple of weeks.”  
“Come again?”  
“You didn’t know?”  
“Know what exactly?”  
“They’re getting a divorce.” Lexa almost drives them off the slope hearing the news. “Watch it!” She wonders why no one told her?  
“Shit! Sorry, you ok?”  
“Are _you _ok?”__  
“So, your sister and Finn, they’re no longer…”  
“Nope.”  
“Why didn’t anyone say anything?”  
“I guess they assumed you knew. You guys are best friends and all.” 

____

 

“Why didn’t you say anything last night about Clarke and Finn’s separation?”  
“So, you’ve finally caught on.”  
“Aden told me.”  
“Good, now you know.”  
“But last night-”  
“When I alluded to her husband, it was clear that you came back for the right reason. You weren’t taking the easy way out.”  
“So, you were testing me?”  
“You passed. Well done, Commander.”  
“So, what do I do now?”  
“You get the girl.”  
“Right, get the girl, of course.”

 

***  
Anya opens the door not expecting her younger sister in her golf attire breathing hard trying to catch her breath.

“Umm, you’re early.”  
“Hey, is Clarke here?”  
“In the kitchen.”  
“I need to talk to her.”

She swiftly makes her way to the kitchen where Bellamy is making pancakes for the kids. Tris jumps out of her seat and runs to her aunt who picks up her charging niece. 

“Hey, dumpling, what’s cookin?”  
“Daddy’s making pancakes.”  
“Oh, his specialty.” Lexa says walking over to Bellamy.  
“Moms and O are on their way from the courts. Where are the guys?”  
“At the fifteenth hole.”

Clarke is setting up facetime for Madi and her dad. She sees Lexa in her adorable golf outfit of a tight-fitting polo that clung to her tone torso and tucked neatly into her slim fitting shorts that fall half way down her thighs showcasing her long, cut leg muscles. Dammit, why did she have to look so damn good. She wasn’t ready for the talk, not yet, she needed some information first.

 

“Here Madi, wait for Rae and Daddy to answer.”  
“Ok, what about you.”  
“Mommy’s going to talk to Lexa.”  
“Ok, can I talk to her too?” the girl waves at the brunette from the couch, who smiles and waves back.  
“Sure baby, after you talk to Daddy.” Clarke says kissing her on the forehead before getting up to walk to Lexa.

 

“Hey, Clarke.”  
“Hi.”  
“I was hoping we could talk.” The blonde nods in agreement.  
“Here, Tris, come help Daddy with the pancakes.” Anya says taking her from Lexa’s arms. The two women step outside on the back patio for privacy.

 

“So, how long are you in town?”  
“A few weeks until I find a place.”  
“I thought the job in New York was more suitable to your research.”  
“Did I say that?”  
“You did.”  
“Hmmm, well, UCI is providing me with everything I need and it’s home.”  
“What about your friends and girlfriends. I’m sure hearts will be broken with this move.”  
“What are you talking about? I’m not seeing anyone. Trust me, besides Indra and Gustus, I won’t be missed.”  
“And you’re the girl from the bookstore?” It took Lexa a moment to realize who she was talking about then another moment to understand what she meant by it. 

“Oh, you mean, Costia?”  
“Sure, I can’t keep track of your women.”  
“Yeah, I mean there’s just so many” she deadpans.  
“I don’t know what you do with your time when I’m not around.” Read, write and basketball, the brunette thinks but she was amused by the blonde’s passive aggressiveness. She decides to play along.

“Right, well, no worries, she’s coming with me.” Clarke’s eyes go wide as she turns her head to face the brunette who manages to keep a straight face.  
“I see, well, good luck to you” her tone is indifferent as she stands with her hands crossed not showing any signs of backing down. Lexa is losing patience.

“Clarke, this is silly.”  
“You’re the one making up stories.”  
“To show you how ridiculous your assumptions are.”  
“How should I know what’s really going on with you?”  
“I’m telling you now, there’s never been or ever will be anyone but you.”  
“Oh please, give me a break. Just admit that you enjoy having your cake and eating it too. That’s why you never wanted to give us a real chance.”  
“That’s not true at all, Clarke and you know it.” Even though she knew Clarke was acting out, it still hurt to hear her say it because there must have been a part of her that believed it. How could she think that after all these years?  
“Do I, Lexa?”  
“You’ve been living the life we planned with Finn for the past decade” Lexa declares, and Clarke could feel her emotions were heightened so she backs off.  
“Not anymore.” They stand in silence for nearly a minute, both pained, annoyed and frustrated with the situation, when really all they should just be happy about the turn of events.

 

“So, Finn knows about us?”  
“He knows that we had an affair for years, and that it’s over now.”  
“Are you guys… ok?”  
“We’re doing really well. All of us.”  
“So, you’re…” Clarke raises an eye brow “um… like… single?” the blonde holds back a smirk as she finally manages to spit it out. She wasn’t going to make this easy for her.  
“Not legally, yet, but yes, we have an understanding.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, really. Why do you care?”  
“Of course, I care.”  
“Why does it matter?”  
“Umm, because I moved back here to be with you.”  
“Interesting, cause, last time we spoke, you chose New York.”  
“I changed my mind.”  
“Well, maybe I’ve changed mine too.” Here we go again Lexa thinks. Getting the girl wasn't as easy as she made it out to be.  
“Clarke-”

“Don’t Clarke me, Commander” the blonde snaps as she approaches the bewildered woman backing her up against the counter. “You broke my heart. You don’t get to just come back here and act like it’s all good between us, because it’s not.” Lexa loses her resolve and swallows her nerves as her lower lip quivers.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Clarke.” Her voice trembles and her eyes are glass. Clarke feels her sincerity, pain and regret. “I should have fought for you all these years. Please, let me make it right.” And now it’s the blonde who has to hold back her emotions. 

“You abandoned me. How can I trust you?”.

“That’s why I’m here, please, let me prove it to you.” She reaches for her arm and the blonde slowly turns to face her. “Please, Clarke, I’ll do anything.” Her voice cracks as she looks straight into her eyes.

“How do I know you won’t betray me again?” The brunette doesn’t hesitate to get on her knees holding the blonde’s hands in hers.

“I swear my undying love for you, Clarke Griffin, my life is yours. It’s always been.” Clarkes closes her eyes as she shakes her head at the dramatics. She wants to sustain her resistance, and keep her at a distance a little longer, but she never had a chance, not with those plump lips waiting to be kissed. 

“Come here” she says pulling her off of the ground and placing the brunette’s hands on her hips. “We take it slow, I’ve got a lot of changes in my life.” Lexa smiles and nods her head in agreement.

“Whatever you need, beautiful. I’m yours to command.”

“I command you to stop talking and kiss me” she says wrapping her arms around her neck. 

And so, the commander submits to her queen, lips touch, mouths connect, and tongues collide. Their arms grasp and squeeze as their bodies are flush, they’re enveloped in warmth that they’ve craved since first seeing each other yesterday. They wonder why they had to play their stupid game when they both knew what they’ve always wanted? Once they part for air, they realize that they had an audience looking on from the back door. Their friends immediately disperse pretending to go on with their business.

 

“So, what now?”  
“Brunch.”  
“What about Madi?”  
“She’s been pretty amazing so far with Finn and Rae.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Turns out I wasn’t the only one in love with another woman.”  
“Ummmm… I mean… wow.”  
“Her life is full of love, it’s pretty special.”  
“Well, whatever you need from me, Clarke, I’ll do it. I don’t want to cause any problems.”  
“We just need time, that’s all. I think the two of you will get along just fine.”

 

***

Clarke was to say the least nervous, this was their first official date after signing the papers. The two have stuck to their plan of taking it slow at times too slow for the blonde’s liking. Even though Madi adored Lexa, the Commander has been adamant about not disrupting Madi’s routine and home life, she did everything to assure that this transition went smoothly and organically. Clarke is forever grateful for her discipline even if it came at the cost of sexual frustration as she’s become less patient with the situation. 

She made sure everything was perfect for their first weekend alone together. Clarke’s move and Lexa’s work has been consuming most of their time for the past three months, but now the recent divorcee has settled comfortably into her new place and was ready to take the next step with her girlfriend, who has been anticipating this moment since her return. She takes a deep breath before opening the door.

Clarke is transfixed by her date who was just as nervous as she was. There was something special about the evening and both felt like they did when they first met in high school, like two useless gays overcome with butterflies.

“Wow, Clarke. You look stunning.”  
“Thank you” she says blushing. “So do you.” Lexa’s eyes swarm all over the blonde’s body her senses on overdrive. Hearing her voice, taking in a waft of her fragrance and seeing goddess that stood before her was intoxicating.  
“Uh, sorry, these are for you.”  
“I love them, thank you” she leans in and plants her soft lips on the brunette’s and just as she pulls back, she sees that Lexa’s snapped out of her trance. The commander pulls her body close and crashes her lips onto hers and Clarke submits with a moan and allows her tongue access as she’s pulled in deeper. 

The romantic candlelight dinner was put on hold as other needs were satiated on the couch, the living room floor littered with their clothing, and the kitchen island where they were further delayed from their sustenance. Hours later they manage a charcuterie platter that they feed each other on the living room floor still unable to keep fingers and mouths to themselves. It was an opulent display of intimacy and affection that they have shared since their adolescence. There is nothing else like it, nothing that even comes close.

 

“How was that? Feel better?”  
“Sooo good, beautiful.”  
“I’ve satisfied your hunger?”  
“For the moment.” Clarke smirks feeling the same. They make their way to the bedroom where they lay in one another’s arms enveloped in their heat as they whisper sweet nothings and exchange love bites. 

“Lexa.”  
“Mmmmm.”  
“I want you to move in with me.”  
“What happened to taking it slow, beautiful?”  
“Isn’t twenty years long enough of a wait?”  
“What about Madi?”  
“She adores you.”  
“Do you think so?”  
“I know so.”  
“Ok.”  
“Ok?”  
“Yes, ok, I’ll move in with you.” Clarke was ecstatic, she’d didn’t plan on asking her that night, it just happened, and she was glad it did. “But, are you sure it’s not the orgasms talking?”  
“It’s been nearly two hours since my last one.” Her voice husky and seductive.  
“We’ll have to fix that.”

Lexa lays her on her back as she starts to grind against her core. Clarke’s eyes are swallowed in lust as she responds with a moan. She takes Lexa’s face in her hands as their gaze is fixed on dark eyes both waiting to say something, to say everything. Instead they smile as tears find their way down cheeks. After all these years, the distance, fighting, secrets, lies, and moments, they were home, this wasn’t limbo anymore, they were free of their tether. 


End file.
